The Conservative leadership contest is nearly at its end, taking with it the aspirations of Rory Stewart. Watching observers fawn over him was agonising. And the worst result looms large on the horizon.




I must admit a mild sense of relief came when Rory Stewart was knocked out of the leadership contest. Personally, I had thought Sajid Javid’s chances would be scuppered, having only just managed the votes required to pass through to the next round. It’s like a hideous gameshow. Like Gladiators without the spandex and muscular adversaries. For the final round, it’s an obstacle course on Horse Guard’s Parade. There’s been plenty of pictures of them jogging around Westminster – so I’m expecting a good show.

Seriously though, with Rory Stewart’s final curtain comes the end of the strange cross-partisan affection for him. Within minutes of his defeat, Twitter users were telling him to join the Liberal Democrats. I mean, that’s the logical next step surely? For someone who just tried to lead the Conservatives to suddenly turn around and say, “Jo Swinson, add me on Snapchat!”

And I hope it’ll see off the respectful phrasings that many gifted him with. You know the type. The “I’m not a Tory but…” or “I’d never vote Conservative ever but…” It’s asinine. You can respect someone’s political methods or personality without surreptitiously telling them you’d still never vote for the poor sod. It’s a total tease! You’ve dangled a sausage in front of a hungry dog, zipping it away from them when they show the slightest interest.

But there’s no doubting his effect on this leadership race. He is charismatic, and spoke in reality not in vast empty promises. He had modest expectations, and deep down I think he knew he was never going to win. With that in mind, may as well frustrate the other candidates who are so busy shovelling unicorn crap off the carpets in Portcullis House. His soft nature was totally different to the other candidates, who appealed to their voters not the general public, as Rory Stewart did. Credit where it’s due, he’s put some life into a completely dreary and depressing affair. The memes have been good fun as well.

Still a Tory though. Hardly any difference in background from the other life-sucking druids: went to Eton, Oxford University, a military background, good family seat. He’s got two middle names. Wants to bring back national service, a terrible platitude of Tory MPs. And has voted exactly how you would expect a Cameron-era Tory to vote. In fact, he’s the perfect Cameronite.

He may have talked the talk, but in this climate of political sludge, he’s not the walker. Everyone knows who is going to win that coveted seat. We all knew before Theresa May woke up one morning, turned to her husband and said “Bugger this, let’s pack it in.” Because although Boris Johnson doesn’t have an ounce of efficacy, you can certainly say he’s persistent. I’m surprised he wasn’t underneath Theresa and Phil’s bed waiting to hear the late-night conversation that sealed her fate.

“Everyone knows who is going to win that coveted seat. We all knew before Theresa May woke up one morning, turned to her husband and said “Bugger this, let’s pack it in.” Because although Boris Johnson doesn’t have an ounce of efficacy, you can certainly say he’s persistent.”

In this contest, some expected Boris Johnson to step up his statesmanship. This is the big boy table after all, you’d think he would tuck his shirt in. But at the BBC live debate, where the five candidates performed a cover of Boyzone’s No Matter What, the former Foreign Secretary managed to live up to his character – showing off his aptitude in being a blathering arse.

I’ve never stopped twisted my head over his supporters’ strange motions of backing. Claiming that he’s the man who can unite the country makes you think, “Yes, but which country?”

“I’ve never stopped twisted my head over his supporters’ strange motions of backing. Claiming that he’s the man who can unite the country makes you think, “Yes, but which country?””

To me, there’s definitely a sense that the Tories are just pushing him onto the throne to secure Brexit. And to get rid of him, knowing full well they’ll probably lose the next election with Boris’ face on all the leaflets. Imagine getting that falling through your letterbox: Boris Johnson’s gormless expression hidden beneath your utility bills.

It’s an inevitability we’ve been marching towards. And two or three days into his premiership, we’ll all be sighing with frustration, lamenting the loss of Theresa May or Rory Stewart – the best Prime Minister we never had.

“Two or three days into his premiership, we’ll all be sighing with frustration, lamenting the loss of Theresa May or Rory Stewart – the best Prime Minister we never had.”

Oh well, it’s Wimbledon soon. We can concentrate on another type of racket for a change.🔷




Have you got a story to share with our readers?

You can share your experience today

by submitting your story to us:

Tell us your story now!






Liked this story?

Found it useful?

Here’s what you can do next:


Support this writer!

Support our magazine!

Share this story on social media.

Get the PMP Newsletter.



[This is an original piece, first published by the author in PoliticsMeansPolitics.com. | The author writes in a personal capacity.]

(Cover: Gif of Boris Johnson during the BBC Debate.)



     

THE AUTHOR

Author image

Writer and aspiring PhD student at UEA in Norwich. Interested in culture, comedy, and ideology.

Poole, England. Articles in PMP Magazine Website