For millions around the globe the British Empire was a tale of tragedy – it is ending as a circus headed by a clown.

First published in October 2020.

As I painfully and slowly peck at the keyboard trying to teach myself to type again following my stroke I am taking immense pleasure reading articles written by a group of folk who are obviously having a worse time of it than I am, British nationalists desperately facing the realisation that their precious union is, to use a technical geopolitical term, gubbed.

Although when I say facing the realisation what that really means is that they are still trying to blame everyone else and are refusing to acknowledge that they are the architects of their own misfortune, classic in the genre is a piece in the Telegraph by Guido Fawkes refugee the Brexit skelf Tom Harwood who is what you would get if pinocchio joined UKIP.

Tom maintains that opposition to independence held a commanding and growing lead in Scottish polls through 2017 but things only started to change after the Labour party introduced the radical notion that if we were unhappy with the failure of British nationalism to deliver on the promises that it made to keep us in the UK then we could demand another vote, because we would never have thought of that for ourselves.

Tom’s big idea for blame-shifting is that we uppity jocks would have resigned ourselves to our lot if Remain campaigners had not legitimised the idea of re-running referendums. Who knew that Jo Swinson was so masssively influential in the indy movement? Here’s a wee bit of advice for you Tom – save your metrobritsplaining for some Telegraph Tory boy to splain to. I am beginning to suspect that Tom’s grasp of the nuances of the Scottish constitutional debate begins and ends with deep fried Mars bars. As proof of his thesis, if that is what we can call it, he presents us with some graphs – what the hell is it with BRITNATS and graphs? – which purport to show a correlation between Labour calls for a re-run of the EU referendum and rising support for independence. However, there is also a correlation between the rise in support for Scottish independence and the number of movies that Nicholas Cage has done in a year. But this does not necessarily mean that the desire for Scottish independence is predicated upon Nicholas Cage being spittle flecked and manic onscreen. However, I could be wrong, because – Yoongraph.

WeeTom, who is an expert in all things northern because he went to Durham Uni, froths for weeks now that the separatists in Scotland have been consistently outpolling the unionists. It’s an uphill road for the pro-Union parties as the SNP, abetted by an acquiescent media, swells in formidability. Curiously this party and its divisive agenda has been able to present its extreme, duplicitous constitutional agenda as if it were politically respectable.

OK, so, that’s it then – it’s because of all those Scottish newspapers desperately looking for nice things to say about that ESSEMPEE and a BBC Scotland that never stops banging on about how great it would be if Scotland were independent. I really hate to say this Tom – well, actually I don’t – but I am thinking more clearly and coherently about Scottish politics than you are – and I have just had a stroke.

Not to be outdone, Robert Tombs, who unlike the Telegraph Pinocchio is apparently actually a proper grown up, tells us in the Spectator that only a ‘good’ Brexit can stop Scottish independence. However, since as far as a large majority in Scotland is concerned, the only ‘good Brexit’ is no Brexit at all, it would appear that Robert’s suggestions for stopping Scottish independence were doomed even before he pressed the ‘send’ button to email his colonialist style nostrums to his editor Frayzeur’ irritable vowel syndrome Neylseun. Robert thinks that the current demand for independence is all based on a false victimhood from 1314, when in fact it has considerably more to do with the fact that the UK which was promised to Scotland by the likes of Robert in 2014 is not the UK which has been delivered. It’s like we responded to an advert promising World Cup seats only instead of receiving match tickets in the post we got delivered a knackered wooden stool with a broken leg and ENGLAND 1966 painted on the seat in flaking red white and blue paint.

Robert is miffed because in his view the UK graciously allowed 5 million Scottish people decide the fate of the UK and having conceded the extraordinary ‘privilege’ that Scotland is a nation naturally it ought to be for British nationalists like Robert to decide who should get to vote in the next IndyRef. There is absolutely nothing in the article which shows that its author has any grasp at all of Scotland’s view of itself as a supposedly equal partner in a union. Instead the piece oozes imperialist arrogance and takes it for granted that whatever England decides is a ‘good’ Brexit is something that Scotland should just have to swallow.

But you only know things are really serious when you get a Broontervention, and as reliably as a BBC Scotland debate about independence without any actual independence supporters. Up the Gordosaurus pops in the Guardian to tell us how important it is to do all those things that he vowed he was going to do on faux parchment style newsprint just before the IndyRef in 2014 except once he got the no vote in the bag he was quite happy for Labour and the Tories to play devolution Jenga in the Smith Commission. What he conspicuously fails to address is why the hell Scotland should believe him or even listen to him, this time. Because we all know that when the time comes for Gordie to deliver on his vows to Scotland he will disappear as quickly as Boris Johnson does after one of his girlfriends tells him the pregnancy test was positive.

It’s going to take a whole lot more than a suggestion from Gordie Broon, that we’ve heard two dozen times, before that the UK needs to start discussing decentralisation. But so far that seems to be the best that they’ve got. The UK is out of ideas and it is rapidly running out of time. For millions around the globe the British Empire was a tale of tragedy – it is ending as a circus headed by a clown.🔷

Wee Ginger Dug, also known as Paul Kavanagh. Blogger.


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[This piece was originally published in the Wee Ginger Dug’s blog and re-published in PMP Magazine on 18 October 2020, with the author’s consent. | The author writes in a personal capacity.]

(Cover: Screenshot of Pinocchio.)

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