The Conservatives have realised that Scotland has decided that its future is as an independent country, and secondly that they don’t have the foggiest idea what to do about it.
First published in October 2020.
Over the weekend The Times newspaper reported that the big idea is to set up a ‘union unit’ headed by the dead leg of politics, Michael Gove. We shouldn’t be surprised since we already knew that the Tories were a bunch of units. What is surprising however is the gobsmacking cluelessness of people who can only succeed in their declared goal of preventing Scottish independence by dint of persuading Scotland that they are more capable, intelligent and clued up than anything that we could provide for ourselves.
Instead they are delivering a political Masterclass in the dictum that it is far better to keep your mouth shut and risk being thought a fool than to open your mouth and confirm it. Michael Gove may be the insensate dead leg of politics, but he’s still quite capable of putting his foot in his mouth every time he oozes about saving the union. That takes a very special and particular talent for tone deaf stupidity, and unfortunately for the Conservatives, it’s the only way in which they are at all outstanding.
When Better Together told us the UK punched above its weight, they were quite right, it’s just that they neglected to tell us that they meant punching itself in the gob. Dead leg Michael has convinced himself that support for independence is on the rise because – get this – the Scottish media does nothing but uncritically pump out SNP propaganda, by which he presumably means that he once witnessed an occasion on BBC Scotland when they actually allowed an independence supporter to speak in a discussion about independence featuring the usual three Tories and Jackie Baillie. But since no one else can recall such a singular event, it may well be that Dead leg’s memory was distorted by some Bolivian Marching powder.
Anyway, risible as it is, Dead leg plans to save the precioussss Union with some red white and blue press releases, telling us that the Tories are stealing food from children for their own good. It does at least have the relative merit of not being as far out there in the realms of batshittery as the suggestion from Tim Montgomery, the founder of Conservative Home, that the best way to get Scotland to fall back in love with the UK would be to set up a Conservative Ministry of Social Justice in Glasgow to be headed by baroness don’t call me baroness Rape Clause, Ruth Davidson.
Apparently Tim was being serious with this idea and wasn’t trying out some of that right-wing comedy that we’ve heard so much about of late. Although right-wing comedy is very much like The positive case for the Union, we keep hearing British nationalists talking about it, but we never actually see it. A Conservative Ministry of Social Justice is one of those dystopian Ministries that George Orwell would have had in mind if he had lived long enough to write a sequel to 1984.
Yesh sure, being lectured to about social justice by an unelected and unaccountable politician who has defended the morally bankrupt rape clause and who represents a party which has just quite literally stolen food from the mouths of hungry children is guaranteed to make Scots who are attracted to the idea of independence sit up and think again, although all it is likely to make them think again is that the Conservatives are vile and nasty hypocrites and the only way that Scotland can make progress to social justice is to put ourselves beyond their grasping clutches for good.
The thing is that the Conservatives know full well what they need to do to reverse the rise in support for independence – they need to abandon their extreme Brexit and cease their attacks on the Devolution Settlement. But they’re not prepared to do that. There is no place for anything other than a neutered and quiescent Scotland in the Tory vision of Brexit Britain, and because they’re not prepared to budge fom that, they will continue to insult our intelligence by blaming the rise in support for independence on everything except their own selfish and self-serving behaviour.
These are not political giants here, they are greedy little men and women with no vision, no plan, and no clue. Increasingly panicking as they see Scotland slip inexorably out of their grasp. They have made their choices, and now Scotland is making its own. Scotland is choosing a future without the Tories in it, and no number of dead legs’ union units is going to prevent that from happening.🔷
- 1984, by George Orwel
Wee Ginger Dug, also known as Paul Kavanagh. Blogger.
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🗳️ Michael Gove